How To Be Okay Not “Living Up” to your Thirties

At thirty-six years old, it’s been hard to look in the mirror at times when what stares back at me most closely resembles the character Lynn from the show Girlfriends, than any one of Joan, Maya, or Toni. More than that, I look nothing like the composite woman in my head made up of all three that thought I would be at this age.

This seems like a problem, I know. In any other universe besides my own, I could see how it would look that way. But in my universe, it’s okay not to be married, not to have children, not to have a house, and not to be into at least a ten-year career doing something related to the degrees I purchased. Excuse me, the degrees I earned.

I say this not because there’s anything wrong with having all or any of these things in my universe, but because somewhere in my DNA—ignoring my social programming of course—I’m coded not to consider any of those things as necessities. I haven’t always accepted that though, and as a result, I’ve spent a large portion of my life feeling like I was failing as a person, woman, and member of humanity—the segment living in the United States to be exact.

I wanted the marriage, children, house, and career, but it was because I was “supposed” to want them (i.e., social programming). At the same time, I’ve never felt strongly compelled to go after any of it.

This has been my internal conflict.

My internal dialogue going something like this:

Me: “None of that shit defines me.”

Also me: “But wait, I’m a loser. I’m still out here trying to find my purpose and figure out what I should be doing?”

Me again: “Look, it’s time to grow up and get some stability.”

Also me again: “Stability? What is that anyway? I don’t want to be in that box.”

Outside of my own head, while my friends are doing well, advancing in their careers and annual salaries, going on exotic vacations, and buying nice things, I’ve been stuck with too many ideas to count, too many dreams to keep up with, yet too many bad habits and undisciplined behavior for them mean much.

The truth is I’ve never been compelled to go after the conventional things because I’ve always been more concerned with figuring out who I am as an individual. Figuring out who I am have always seemed like the prerequisite for marriage, children, a house, and career having real meaning.

Finally, a few months ago a lot of this conflict started to dissolve because I did one key thing: I accepted what was true about me.

  • I only wanted the conventional things because society said that’s what I should want and because obtaining them would validate me.
  • I mostly want to discover the fullness of who I am, and at age 36 I’m still in the process.
  • I’ve been undisciplined and developed bad habits which have stood in the way of me even attempting to fulfill my dreams.
  • It’s okay to stop judging myself about these things.

This brings me to today. I’m coming off of sixty straight days of writing. As someone who calls herself a writer, before December 25th, 2018, I had done about as much writing as I had done exercising the last two years (not very much but I’m getting that together too).

I decided to engage in daily writing because I knew I had to build my writing muscle and develop real discipline. I had to build my confidence as a writer again after losing it in graduate school. I also had to dump some of the emotional baggage so that I could write from a place of giving (vulnerability) versus a place of need. I recently learned that you don’t get what you need; you get what you give. I want to be free. I want to be fully me. And I want to live my dream.

Writing is one part of my dream. Being a creator, educator, and someone who speaks to add value to people is the other part. This is why cubicles, daily rush hour traffic, and religiously thanking God it was Friday hasn’t worked for me. I’m not sure the working life works for anyone who feels like they’re taking just a little bit longer than everyone else to “get it together.” It’s usually a mix between figuring out how to turn our passion into the profit we need to do more of our passion, and developing the discipline and courage to take one step forward every single day until we manifest what we have inside.

I did three things in the last ten months that has changed my reality.

  • I paid $395 for help on my resume/cv to get into the education field as a college adjunct professor.
  • I hired a professional speaking coach.
  • I committed myself to write every day for sixty straight days.

The investments have manifested into me getting an adjunct position at a local university teaching writing, increased comfort and confidence speaking in front of people (I used to be terrified), and writing my very first blog post (you’re reading it right now in case you were wondering).

In my universe, where I’m at my best when doing what feels native to me, these accomplishments have been life-altering. Considering that I was working at a small retirement plan services company ten months ago, frustrated and confused as ever, now having the opportunity to impact the lives of young people and their ability to express themselves feels like I’m where I’m supposed to be.

It just took getting clear, disciplined, courageous, and being willing to keep taking steps forward every day.

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  82. How Ukraine’s Mykhailo Fedorov is fighting a digital warThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine03202230

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  113. Ukraine War: Civilians abducted as Russia tries to assert controlBBC.com plsHelpUkraine04202205

  114. A Kremlin paper justifies erasing the Ukrainian identity, as Russia is accused of war crimesCBC News plsHelpUkraine04202205

  116. What Happened on Day 17 of Russia’s Invasion of UkraineThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202205

  121. İzmir de Satılık, Kiralık, Emlakları Bulacağınız Aliağa, Balçova, Bayındır, Bayraklı, Bergama, Beydağ, Bornova, Buca, Çeşme, Çiğli, Dikili, Foça, Gaziemir, Güzelbahçe, Karabağlar, Karaburun, Karşıyaka, Kemalpaşa, Kınık, Kiraz, Konak, Menderes, Menemen, Narlıdere, Ödemiş, Seferihisar, Selçuk, Tire, Torbalı ve Urla İlçesi Çevre Raporları ile Sonuca Odaklı Al, Sat, Kirala, Keşfet, Ev, Arsa, Villa, Yazlık, Daire, Rezidans, Major Emlak Bilgi ve Güvenin Merkezi.

  122. Russia-Ukraine War Latest News: White House to Sanction Putin Daughters, China Disturbed by Bucha KillingsThe Wall Street JournalUkraine live updates: US sanctions on Russian hit Putin’s daughtersUSA TODAYUkraine war: US announces sanctions against Vladimir Putin’s two adult daughtersSky NewsUkraine: US announces new sanctions, hitting Putin’s daughters, major Russian banks — live updatesDW (English) plsHelpUkraine04202206

  123. Zelenskyy says wants Ukraine to become a ‘big Israel’Al Jazeera English plsHelpUkraine04202206

  125. Russia shows signs of changing course; Biden to meet Ukrainian refugeesThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202206

  126. What Happened on Day 14 of Russia’s Invasion of UkraineThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202206

  127. US rightwing figures in step with Kremlin over Ukraine disinformation, experts sayThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202206

  128. As Ukraine war drags on, Pentagon makes long-term plans for EuropeThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202206

  129. Mariupol mayor calls Russian siege ‘the new Auschwitz,’ says more than 5,000 civilians have been killed: Live Ukraine updatesUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202207

  130. Зарубежные органисты: Джин Ким из Южной Кореи. 14 декабря, зал камерной и органной музыки, 18:00 Лауреат международных конкурсов Джин Ким из Южной Кореи исполнит на органе музыкальные произведения Баха, Франка и Листа. Известная органистка выступит в Челябинске в рамках проекта

  132. China could face sanctions if it supports Russia’s war in Ukraine, U.S. saysGlobal News plsHelpUkraine04202207

  133. NATO: 7000 to 15000 Russian troops dead in UkraineThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202207

  135. Ukraine War: Putin demands Mariupol surrender to end shellingBBC.com plsHelpUkraine04202207

  138. Here’s What Happened on Day 31 of the War in UkraineThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202207

  140. What Happened on Day 41 of the War in UkraineThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202207

  141. West won’t stop at destroying Russia; India will be next: Donetsk representative on Russia-Ukraine warIndia Today plsHelpUkraine04202207

  143. Judy Asks: Is Russia’s War in Ukraine Dividing the World?Carnegie Europe plsHelpUkraine04202207

  144. Ukraine latest updates: NATO will ‘respond’ to chemical weaponsAl Jazeera English plsHelpUkraine04202207

  145. Inside President Biden’s often impulsive approach to the war in UkraineThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202207

  146. In Bucha, Ukraine, evidence of torture, beheadings by Russian soldiersThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202207

  147. Putin Would Take Ukraine’s Neutrality as PermissionThe Atlantic plsHelpUkraine04202207

  148. EU divisions over Ukraine to be laid bare in No 10 meetingThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202207

  153. Opinion | In Putin’s War on Ukraine, Expect the UnexpectedThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202207

  159. Ukraine War: Putin demands Mariupol surrender to end shellingBBC.com plsHelpUkraine04202208

  160. What do Americans think of the Russia-Ukraine war and of the US response?Brookings Institution plsHelpUkraine04202208

  161. ترک خود ارضایی از نظر علمی کاملا ممکن است.
    بخش زیادی از ترک اعتیاد به این عمل مانند هرگونه اعتیاد دیگری جنبه های روحی و روانی زیادی دارد.
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    در ادامه راه هایی برای ترک خود ارضایی که
    از نظر علمی ثابت شده اند را بازگو می کنیم.

    ورزش کنید
    ورزش انرژی مازاد شما را کاهش می دهد.
    ورزش علاوه بر آن شادابی و نشاط نیز با خود به ارمغان می آورد.
    ورزش هایی مثل دوییدن و شنا می
    توانند باعث ترشح اندورفین در بدن می شود.
    اندورفین هورمون شادی و نشاط در بدن است.
    همچنین ورزش هایی مانند یوگا می تواند آرامش و اضطراب ناشی از ترک خود ارضایی را به طور
    چشمگیری کاهش دهد و موجب آرامش هرچه بیشتر گردد.

    تغذیه سالم
    تغذیه سالم با میوه و سبزیجات کافی
    می تواند همیشه سطح انرژی شما را در
    سطحی متعادل نگه دارد و احساس خستگی
    و کسلی را از افراد دور نماید. احساس سرزندگی و نشاط می تواند افراد را
    از کارهایی مانند خود ارضایی که که به بدن آسیب وارد می کند
    منع نماید.

    خواب کافی
    کم خوابی با خود بی هدفی و کسالت به دنبال
    خواهد آورد. نداشتن خواب کافی به مرور افراد را دچار
    افسردگی می کند. تنظیم عادت خواب
    و همچنین خواب کافی به میزان 8 ساعت در روز می تواند احساس افسردگی را
    از افراد دور می کند.

    حمام آب سرد
    حمام آب سرد در زمانی که وسوسه های
    خود ارضایی به سراغ افراد می آید می تواند معجزه کند.
    این روش به خوبی می تواند جلوی هر
    تکرار عمل خود ارضای را
    بگیرد.

    تنها نباشید
    معمولا خودارضایی و وسوسه های آن زمان به سراغ افراد می آید
    که تنها هستند. به همین دلیل توصیه می شود برای ترک خود ارضایی بهتر
    است خود را در موقعیت هایی قرار دهید که تنها نباشید.

    از تماشای فیلم ها و عکس های مستهجن
    دوری کنید
    فیلم ها و عکس های مستهجن می توانند یک عامل مهم در شروع وسوسه برای
    خود ارضایی باشد. ترک خود ارضایی زمانی ممکن
    می شود که افراد عامل محرک وسوسه ها را پاک کنند.

    فیلم های پورن و عکس های مربوط به صحنه
    های سکسی به طور یقین یکی از همین عوامل محرک است که افراد به راحتی می توانند از
    دیدن آن صرف نظر کنند.( اختلال تماشاگری جنسی)

    از یک مشاور کمک بگیرید

  164. Mariupol’s dead put at 5000 as Ukraine braces in the eastThe Associated Press plsHelpUkraine04202210

  165. Ukraine war: 20,000 flee Mariupol in biggest evacuation yet from besieged port citySky News plsHelpUkraine04202210

  166. Luhansk residents told to evacuate as Russia moves focus to east UkraineThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202210

  167. Mexico says it does not accept Russian invasion of UkraineReuters.com plsHelpUkraine04202210

  169. ‘Economy wins wars’: the projects helping shoppers to support UkraineThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202210
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  176. Russia suspended from U.N. Human Rights Council; E.U. approves coal phaseoutThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202210
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  180. Biden expresses support for expelling Russia from G-20; U.S. to accept 100000 refugeesThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202210
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  187. Ukraine sees room for compromise, as 20000 escape MariupolThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202210
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  188. Opinion | My Advice for American Veterans Who Want to Get on a Plane to UkraineThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202210
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  200. Zelenskyy says Ukraine still in daily talks with Russia; US journalist killed by Russian gunfire: March 13 recapUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202211
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  203. Ukraine says Russian soldiers stole deadly radioactive substances from ChernobylABC News plsHelpUkraine04202211
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  206. Helsinki protest features 210 shoes to showcase child death toll in Ukraine’s MariupolThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202211
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  210. Zelensky open to Ukrainian ‘neutrality’ and negotiations over DonbasThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202211
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  218. Ukraine war: How police are going from house to house scooping up the dead in ‘death smelling’ vanSky News plsHelpUkraine04202211
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  255. United States vs. Ukraine Billie Jean King Cup qualifier has added impact because of Russian invasionESPN plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  257. Russia ‘repositioning’ in Ukraine’s eastern Donbas region: USAl Jazeera English plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  260. What if Austin were Kyiv? Map shows how Russian invasion of Ukraine, war zones can hit close to homeAustin American-Statesman plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  266. Ukraine war: Zelenskyy’s wife reveals Putin’s ‘fatal mistake’ as she tells of life during Russian invasionSky News plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  276. Opinion | Putin’s War in Ukraine Is a Watershed. Time for America to Get Real.The New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  279. United States vs. Ukraine Billie Jean King Cup qualifier has added impact because of Russian invasionESPN plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  296. EU to consider Ukraine membership in weeks; Russia warns of ‘direct military confrontation’ with US: April 10 recapUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202212
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  380. Western leaders pledge more military support as Russian troops reposition in eastThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202214
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  385. Ukraine pleads for help, says Russia wants to split nationThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202214
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  398. April 13, 2022 Russia-Ukraine newsCNNRussian sailors evacuate warship in the Black Sea after Ukraine attack; U.S. will send another $800 million in weapons to UkraineCNBCUkraine says it hit Russia’s top Black Sea warship in missile strikeThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202214
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  423. Putin’s terror playbook: if you want a picture of Ukraine’s future, look to my home, ChechnyaThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202215
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  539. Ukraine war: Heartbroken mothers mourn two lifelong friends ‘tortured by Russian soldiers’ in ZdvizhivkaSky News plsHelpUkraine04202217
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  554. Shelled city in north Ukraine fears becoming ‘next Mariupol’The Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202217
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  555. Ukraine war: ‘We have a body, what do we do with it?’ – couple who fled Mariupol ‘hell’ tell the city’s storySky News plsHelpUkraine04202217
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  564. One family’s journey from war-torn Ukraine to Portland: Shelling, multiple border crossings and a medical scaOregonLive plsHelpUkraine04202218
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  573. ‘After Bucha, I’m afraid of Russian soldiers’: people in east Ukraine prepare for fresh assaultThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202218
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  574. War Crimes by Russia’s Forces in Ukraine – United States Department of StateDepartment of State plsHelpUkraine04202218
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  585. Ukraine war: Briton captured in Mariupol considers Ukraine ‘his adopted country’, say familySky News plsHelpUkraine04202218
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  604. Live Updates | War in Ukraine inspires protest in ChileThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202219
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  605. Latest Russia-Ukraine war news: Live updatesThe Washington PostRussia-Ukraine War Latest News: Putin Says Sanctions Have FailedThe Wall Street JournalRussia steps up bombardment of cities across UkraineAl Jazeera EnglishRussia invades Ukraine: Live updatesCNN International plsHelpUkraine04202219
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  606. Russia’s strategic campaign in Ukraine has four elements — and it goes way beyond air strikesABC News plsHelpUkraine04202219
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  608. Western leaders pledge more military support as Russian troops reposition in eastThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202219
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  665. EU to consider Ukraine membership in weeks; Russia warns of ‘direct military confrontation’ with US: April 10 recapUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202220
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  668. Russia pulling back to resupply, US says; expect ‘even more suffering’ in Ukraine, NATO chief warns: March 31 recapUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202220
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  672. Analysis | More arms, new training for Ukraine: U.S. gambles on Russia’s ’empty threats’The Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202221
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  680. EXCLUSIVE Russian invasion damaged up to 30% of Ukraine’s infrastructure, says ministerReuters.com plsHelpUkraine04202221
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  681. Ukraine says Moscow is forcibly taking civilians to RussiaThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202221
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  694. Peace proposals ‘verbally’ accepted by Moscow, except on Crimea, says Ukraine – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202221
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  755. Peace proposals ‘verbally’ accepted by Moscow, except on Crimea, says Ukraine – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202223
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  761. The United Nations calls for an investigation into violence against women and children in Ukraine – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202223
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  766. Ukraine pleads for help, says Russia wants to split nationThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202223
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  771. April 22, 2022 Russia-Ukraine newsCNN InternationalRussia-Ukraine Latest News: April 22, 2022BloombergUN chief to meet Putin next week; Russia declares intent to control Donbas and southern UkraineCNBCRussia-Ukraine live news: Cities in Luhansk ‘being shelled’Al Jazeera EnglishRussia-Ukraine War News Live Updates: Putin to meet with UN chief Guterres in Russia next weekThe Indian Express plsHelpUkraine04202223
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  774. Russia pulling back to resupply, US says; expect ‘even more suffering’ in Ukraine, NATO chief warns: March 31 recapUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202223
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  782. Ukraine war: Country’s top prosecutor accuses Russia of pre-planning mass murder, torture and rapeSky News plsHelpUkraine04202223
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  791. Germany must support Ukraine without endangering its own security, finance minister saysReuters plsHelpUkraine04202224
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  796. Ukraine war: ‘Life was worth living that day’ – emotional scenes as refugee arrives at Birmingham AirportSky News plsHelpUkraine04202224
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  800. Lessons in patriotism used to justify Ukraine invasion to Russia’s childrenThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202224
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  819. Russia deploys up to 20,000 mercenaries in battle for Ukraine’s Donbas regionThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202224
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  827. Peace proposals ‘verbally’ accepted by Moscow, except on Crimea, says Ukraine – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  830. Zelensky vows ‘wickedness’ will not destroy Ukraine in Orthodox Easter messageNew York Post plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  831. The United Nations calls for an investigation into violence against women and children in Ukraine – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  833. Ukraine’s first lady recalls moment she realized her country was at war: LIVE UPDATESFox News plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  841. Ukraine braces for a renewed Russian offensive on its eastern front – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  842. Ukraine: Russians shift elite units to the new battlegroundThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  849. International Criminal Court joins war crimes probe; US support for Ukraine surpasses $4 billion: Live updatesUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  852. Russia’s eastern offensive has begun, Ukraine says, as strikes rock LvivThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202225
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  864. Peace proposals ‘verbally’ accepted by Moscow, except on Crimea, says Ukraine – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202226
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  872. Russia attacks Ukrainian sites far from eastern Donbas, as ICC agrees to investigate war crimesCBC News plsHelpUkraine04202226
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  874. Russia attacks Ukrainian sites far from eastern Donbas, as ICC agrees to investigate war crimesCBC News plsHelpUkraine04202226
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  879. Ukraine: Russians shift elite units to the new battlegroundThe Associated Press – en EspaГ±ol plsHelpUkraine04202226
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  890. As NATO meets, US, Europe, say Ukraine must decide its own future with RussiaThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202226
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  907. Russia’s war in Ukraine threatens to spill over in dangerous new phaseThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202227
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  914. US, allies hustling to save Ukraine; Rand Paul says US push to get Ukraine into NATO provoked invasion: Live updatesUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202227
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  916. [img]https://static01.nyt.com/images/2022/04/07/world/08UKRAINE-BLOG-HEADER-1am/07UKRAINE-BLOG-HEADER-9pm-facebookJumbo.jpg[/img] What Happened on Day 43 of Russia’s Invasion of UkraineThe New York Times plsHelpUkraine04202227
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  926. US, allies hustling to save Ukraine; Rand Paul says US push to get Ukraine into NATO provoked invasion: April 26 recapUSA TODAY plsHelpUkraine04202228
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  927. Canada could reopen Ukraine embassy imminently amid push to sell Russian assets: Joly – National | Globalnews.caGlobal News plsHelpUkraine04202228
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  948. Russia’s war in Ukraine threatens to spill over in dangerous new phaseThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202228
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  958. Civilians flee eastern Ukraine in advance of a widely forecast attack – as it happenedThe Guardian plsHelpUkraine04202228
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  963. Opinion | North Korea is learning ominous lessons from Russia’s invasion of UkraineThe Washington Post plsHelpUkraine04202229
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  964. EXCLUSIVE Russian invasion damaged up to 30% of Ukraine’s infrastructure, says ministerReuters.com plsHelpUkraine04202229
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