Today I realized that I don’t speak in my full voice after listening to Toni Robbins on YouTube. At first, I wondered why he was talking so loud, but as I kept listening, I realized he was speaking in his full voice with confidence, authority, and assurance. As I swept the floor, I started talking in my full voice, and the sound was a little jarring. I don’t recall ever hearing myself in that way. Then I began to speak in the voice I normally speak in, and that’s when I heard the difference. I recognized the difference in how I felt. When I spoke in my full voice, I felt my own presence. When I spoke in my normal voice, I felt a sense of shrinking. It was powerful but indicative of one of the very things I’m working to overcome now. This goes hand in hand with the clarity I got a few days ago about feeling like I’m abandoning who I’ve always been. The woman that I imagine still feels like a stranger. I know it’s because I’m so hung up on this version of me and feel anxious about leaving her. There’s also some “who do you think you are” going on inside. It compounded when I watched a small clip of Lisa Nicols on Instagram speaking about this very thing. I know that it’s time, and even though I’m headed in the right direction, these confirmations give me a sense of urgency to push forward.
