Day 47: Check-In

There are so many topics I want to revisit that I’ve written about but didn’t flesh out my full thoughts and feelings. So many things have been coming up in the last few days, and it’s starting to pile up in my head. It may also be piling up in my body because I feel really uncomfortable tonight. It’s not overwhelming pain—just dull general achiness. I’m also really sleepy and a little foggy-brained. I think there are a few reasons for that, but I started a new four-day protocol today to address some infections my doctor found last week, and perhaps that has me feeling this way. I ate a lot of nuts in the past couple of days. And I put red bell peppers in the dinner I made tonight. I suspect that might now have helped. It could be all of the above. I was feeling really good lately, and I wanted to see what my body could handle. Maybe I’ll back off trying to figure that out for now.

Overall, I feel like I’m digressing. Or maybe this is just part of the journey. I’ve long been out of my Zen-like state and had settled into the fact that things won’t always feel like sunshine and rainbows. I won’t always feel like singing and expressing my zest for life. I don’t feel bad or lost, just a little like I’m in a comfortable routine that I’m not feeling refreshed from. It almost feels like my routine is what I’m doing to hold on. I’m having trouble maintaining presence while tapping. My meditation has not been as rich as it has been. And while I love that I’m working out now, I’m missing whatever it is I was getting from my Qigong-inspired daily move exercise each morning. I’m going to have to re-incorporate that into my morning routine.

You know, as I think about it, I don’t think I’ve been giving myself enough time in the morning. As I’m sitting here thinking through how I feel each morning, the word rushed came to mind. Yes, my routine turns into me trying to get through it in the allotted time I’ve given myself. I’m not actually relaxed and allowing myself to drift into each exercise. I’m also thinking about work because I know I’m up against trying to get it done so I can get to my computer on time. I’m going to give myself more time and see if that helps change my energy.