Day 45: Drinks on Me

I’ve been drinking tequila for the past two days, and it’s been absolutely wonderful. I didn’t plan to drink. I’m not even supposed to be drinking alcohol because I’m currently in the healing process. I made an executive decision though. Since I am on vacation, I would allow myself to indulge a bit. After all, I haven’t drank any form of alcohol in probably six months or longer.

Here’s the thing: I wanted to drink. I had two choices. Do want I want and drink or don’t do what I want and suffer the frustration of wanting to drink but not being able to because it doesn’t support my healing process. I chose to do what I wanted and accepted the consequences of enjoying a little Tequila. And I’m totally okay with my decision which is a step in the right direction for me. I would have beat myself up in the past and felt like I just undid all the work I’ve put forward in the last several months. I would have gotten down on myself, and it would have dampened my enthusiasm to keep going. This is me making a decision and taking full responsibility for it—all of it.

I am going to have days when I don’t do every single thing I’m supposed to do. I am going to have days when I do. It’s part of the process. It’s part of life. I may feel pain or discomfort in my body as a result of drinking this weekend, but guess what? If I do, I’ll experience exactly what I’m supposed to, and it will teach me and inform how I choose the next time.
More than anything, and this might sound strange, but I feel good that I can make a decision that isn’t the best for me and still have confidence and trust in myself that I can and will make other decisions that are best for me. I have agency over me. I trust that I know what’s best for me, and ultimately I will do what’s best for me.