Day 41: Numb

I feel somewhat emotionally numb today. It’s not that I don’t feel anything. I just feel the numbness of feeling too much at the same time and not being able to process any of it. I picked up my phone to open my tapping app thinking I should try tapping. I didn’t want to tap, so I didn’t. I considered meditating, but I quickly realized I didn’t want to do that either. I want to be numb right now. A part of me wants to stop writing right here because it might conjure up the emotions I want to numb right now. It might force me to express what I’m feeling.

I won’t sit here and let what I’m experiencing take root. I’ve made enough progress to feel confident that I have control and ownership over how I feel and know how to change the tide—or at least begin to change the tide. I have more courage to face difficult emotions because I know I won’t crumble. And I certainly have the tools now to help me do that.

But right now, I’m going to lose myself in the numbness.