Day 40: The Gift of Sensitivity

When I was younger, I used to tell friends of mine that I feel deeply. What I was trying to express is that I was highly sensitive. But being sensitive was actually considered a negative attribute in my household and the world–as I found out later in life. Nevertheless, I continued to feel everything, to the degree that it became harmful to me. All of my own emotions felt so incredibly intense. I could feel others’ emotions and would take them on to myself. I was sensitive to tone and expressions, and body language.

I learned later that they call people like that empaths. I’ve read the definition of an empath, and I certainly can relate to a lot of it, but more than labeling myself, I’ve been most interested in the reason for my sensitivity and what I needed to do to stop it. It was not serving me. It wasn’t viewed as a positive attribute. It was always criticized and judged. So, without an answer for why I was so sensitive and with a clear need to suppress this aspect of me, I learned rules, techniques, the art of silence and retreat, and ways to lie to hide my sensitivity.

The funniest thing happened. None of those things truly worked. I thought they were working. Yet, here my sensitivity remains.

So all that’s left is the reality that I’m still sensitive. I still feel very deeply. I still tend to take on the energy of others. The difference now is that I’m learning to appreciate it when I never did before. I’ve caused many problems for myself and people I care about due to not appreciating it and trying not to be me.

At this point in my life, I work through my limiting beliefs and judgments every day, but what I know is that sensitivity is not a negative thing. My sensitivity means that I’m attuned energetically. I spent a lot of time feeling and interpreting this energy–essentially distorting its frequency–I now know that I am to feel, learn from it, let it go, and not be consumed by it. What I feel are a guide and a teacher. And every good guide and teacher introduces lessons to elevate the student in the things she must know.