Fear. That’s the emotion my inner being directed me to this morning. I’ve been dealing with fear for a long time because it’s been the thing that’s held me back most. When I saw it, I knew. I knew this guided tapping meditation sent a jolt through me.
The description read: Releasing fear of criticism.
Notice it didn’t say identify fear of criticism or understand fear of criticism; both passive ways of addressing my fear. But that’s a lot of what I’ve done in the past. I’ve identified, understood, dissected, and went on to fully explain why I have fear, where it came from, and who was responsible.
However, the word “releasing” is a verb and it signaled to me that this exercise was going to be about me doing something. Letting go of my fear. I’ll admit, for a short moment I felt a weird mix of excitement and resistance. Excitement of the thought of experienced fearlessness, and resistance from not wanting to face the shame and judgements I have of myself because I care what others think about me.
See, I’m really good at identifying things and finding out why I am the way I am. But I haven’t been as good at doing the things that would allow me to change or overcome the issues that hold me back. Instead, and especially when it comes to fear, I’ve elected to try to modify my behavior or change the conditions so that I don’t have to deal with my fear.
That was before today.
This morning’s tapping session allowed me to shift my mind towards accepting myself. I understood that whether I’m with or without fear, I am enough and worthy of my own acceptance. So, whether someone criticizes me or not, my worth is unchanged. To have fear is to say that my worth can be changed.
I’m not defined by fear at all.
I’m also not defined by criticism.
I know that more deeply now because This I did something this morning. I didn’t analyze it or explain it. I took action. I did something to begin releasing the fear that has held me back and I even saw a little fruit of it. By acknowledging the truth of how I felt (opened door), and soon after moving into space of self-acceptance and seeing myself without this fear (entrance into the room), all that was left was the real me (place of rest). I felt a noticeable feeling of freedom in my mind, and a sense of wellness in my physical body.