I’m am so over this headache that does not feel like a typical headache. I’m getting more emotional as the pain continues than I would have hoped at this point in the journey. I have to admit, I want to be super positive and have the ultimate faith, little fear, and absolute confidence that everything will be fine, but I don’t. I’m emotional because I can’t stop my mind from wandering into the land of what-ifs. Feeling this kind of pain in my head is unsettling. It doesn’t even feel like the pain I was experiencing in my face four years ago.
For the last several days, I’ve felt an assortment of head pain and head soreness. I have pain in the back of my head and on the top left side that intensifies when I make specific movements. Sometimes I feel dull pains all over my head and forehead and feel like there’s a band tightening around my head. At other times I get sharp and throbbing pains in random places on my head and behind my eyebrows. The pain has been steady. It’s been sitting there for days. Today the intensity of my pain heightened. Google says, based on my symptoms, it could be a tension headache and could be caused by muscle tightness and tension. Both of which I’ve been experiencing. My neck is tight, and my shoulders feel like rocks. A few weeks ago, I got a massage to help alleviate it. I’ve been doing neck stretches and am using an at-home massage machine and a heating pad, but the pain in my head seems to be continuing and getting more intense.
I keep wondering if the pain is related to my neck and spine (I was told by a chiropractor that I have a bulging disk in my back a few years ago). It may have worsened due to a bit of whiplash I experienced when I got into an accident a little over a month after a car hit me from behind. I’m also drinking more water just in case I’m dehydrated, which is likely. And I decided today that I’m going to eliminate salt for a few days to see if that’s causing it. I’ve been thinking about all of these things for days now. I’ve tried not to focus too much on my pain and remain aware of my thoughts. It hasn’t stopped me from feeling fear, anxiety, irritation, and mental and physical fatigue.
I want to allow myself to feel what I feel, but I don’t want to go into a bunch of unnecessary worrying. I’m trying to navigate how to honor my feelings and lean on the internal resolve I’ve been building simultaneously. I suppose I have to remove my judgments about the way I feel. Right now, I’m suppressing them and evaluating if they’re valid enough for me to feel them. And not put so much pressure on myself to maintain peace no matter what’s going on. That is certainly the goal, but I’m not there yet. I’m still learning how to deal with things in a way that will keep me in harmony. I’m still dealing with some familiar patterns I’m used to, like getting wrapped up in what should be versus what is.
So, the next obvious thing is to go see my doctor. In the meantime, I’ll keep tapping, doing my Qigong-inspired daily movements, meditating, belly breathing, eating an anti-inflammatory diet, and taking supplements to help me heal. These practices have been excellent for me, so I’ll continue to do them and continue on this journey even when the road is bumpy.