Yesterday was a stressful blur. I went to bed highly irritable last night. My back hurt, and I had just pushed through answering some interview questions that I promised I would complete last night. By the time I got to writing, anything that I had learned or observed that day was gone. But I woke up this morning with the intention to not repeat yesterday. I was intent on having a good day. And as a result, I had a good day today.
I learned something about intentions today. I can set them all I want, but if I don’t operate with my intention throughout my day, it just becomes a great morning mental boost that wears off at the first instance of disruption. I’ve set intentions before, but I’ve set them with my words, not with a clear and settled mind or while grounded in my body. I intended not to repeat yesterday, but my truest intention was to have a good day. What that meant for me was that I would not allow my job to take me into an unconscious and stressful state. It meant that I would not allow that stress and internal dialogue to turn into pain in my body. It also meant that I would use my lunch break to really take a break from work. These were all conscious choices.
But even though I set these intentions with my mouth, I knew I needed to operate with them throughout the day. So, when things got difficult or uncomfortable at work, I stopped and did some deep breathing. The stories I usually tell myself didn’t have the opportunity to take hold, and the rising emotions just moved through me, and I went back to work. Before I even got started working this morning, I pulled out my seating pad to ensure I would have the correct posture while I worked (I have really bad posture). When lunchtime came, I went downstairs (I work from home) and made my lunch without the television or something playing on my phone. For once, I ate lunch without my phone glued to my hand, scrolling on social media. I even rested on the couch for 20 minutes before going back to work.
Yesterday, I caused my own suffering by passively allowing my day to get out of control and my mind to do the same. This morning I recognized that every moment of my day (and life) that I don’t have intentions, I’m at the mercy of my unconscious thinking and also everyone else’s intentions. And every time I set an intention but don’t carry it out, I erode my self-trust. I had my own back today, and that means so much to me.
One thing I haven’t done lately is give thanks for these moments. I’m thankful for the awareness of intentions and what they mean. I’m grateful that I was able to write about this tonight. I’m thankful that I reaped the reward of applying myself to act with intention. I’m thankfulf for increased energy and mental clarity. I’m so grateful for the sense of groundedness I feel. And I’m give all praise to The All for this sense of peace I’m finding in the process of growing my being.
Until tomorrow…