All day I thought about this idea of self-care. It came to mind this morning when I was oiling my locks. I remembered how little I had done to take care of them in the past. I thought about how I wouldn’t keep up with when I needed toothpaste, deodorant, mouthwash, and other things I needed for myself. To be clear, I never went without any of those things, but I was sort of floating and not paying attention to my smallest of needs. So, as I was oiling my locks, I thought about what’s really happening when a person stops taking care of themselves.
As I reflected, I realized I was living in the world that I created in my head. I just made sure I took care of the necessities like keeping a roof over my head and food in my belly. Forgetting to buy toothpaste and deodorant isn’t a huge deal on its face. Although I remember times feeling like going online, not even to a physical store, to buy deodorant was too big of a task, even if it meant squeezing out the very last remnants of the toothpaste tubes.
At that time, I was practicing escapism. I had stopped considering myself. I didn’t care. I had checked out. This morning I caught myself checking in. It occurred to me that while I do a lot better taking care of myself, I’m still not completely checked in. I don’t remember the last time I oiled my locks, even though it was clear they needed it. Yet, I ignored it up until today.
Several years ago, when I became a Christian, I was taught that I should discard the physical world, including my body. I learned that anything I did to adorn my flesh was vanity. I stopped getting dressed unless I was going somewhere that required getting dressed. I stopped caring about whether my toenails were polished. And as I got deeper into other religious traditions, that disregard for my body led to apathy for life in general. You can say I was walking around with my head in the heavens. It eventually manifested into hopelessness and depression.
A depressed person can often lack the care facto about many things—even small things like taking care of your hair and your teeth or getting dressed day-to-day. It may seem like quite a stretch, but today I gained awareness about my level of self-care. I am no longer depressed, but I am still getting back to taking better care of myself instead of it feeling like a burden.
It’s the small things that often bring great awareness.