I talk a lot about tapping, but it keeps showing itself as a powerful technique for me. Today my tapping session was about healing the gut. The session was designed to address the underlying emotions behind my gut issues. Much like the very first time I tapped, the tears flowed unexpectantly. We got to a portion in the session where the instructor asked that I focus on my gut and identify the emotions that come up for me. While tapping on my temples, fear and anxiety came up, and I immediately began to cry. I knew right away what was happening. The tears were a direct sign that I was releasing some of the fear and anxiety I’ve harbored. No specific event came to mind, but what did surface was the reality that I have had fear about having leaky gut syndrome. I’ve wondered what this condition would lead to for me. Would I ever heal? How would I heal? What happens if I don’t find a way to heal it? Would I have to eat such a restrictive diet for the rest of my life? I’ve had so many questions and so much anxiety about not having the answers.
So, when the tears began to flow today, the release of emotions alerted me that emotions were actually there. And after the release, I got some relief from the gut pain I was feeling. With even more urgency, I was reminded just how much unaddressed emotions drive my body’s physical manifestations of discomfort and disease. It reminds me that I have to put just as much effort into my mental and emotional health as I do into my body. It also let me know that my battle with fear is widespread. I’ve focused so much on my fears about stepping out and being my whole self, that I didn’t give much thought to fear in other areas of my life.
I realize that when I experience hurtful or negative things in my life, I internalize them and almost pack them away inside and move on mentally around that event. I don’t process them immediately. I tend to feel them, judge them, and figure out the fastest possible way to make them go away. Once I figure that out, that’s when I usually pack my feelings away. But what’s become evident is that I never actually pack away deep enough that it doesn’t still show up in my life and dictate how I make decisions. But since I’m living out of my head, I don’t consciously realize what is happening because I’m not feeling it. I did this with all my medical diagnoses before last November, including my diagnosis of leaky gut syndrome.
To not internalize my doctor’s prognosis, I packed away their diagnosis too because it scared me. Then when I felt the physical effects of it, that scared me. After that, when I finally gave it attention, I was fearful about what would happen next. Now that I’m open, aware, and motivated to take control of my health, any feelings of fear had to be brought to the surface because I’m no longer dealing with it from my head. I feel like that’s what happened today. So, I’m thankful for the realization. I’m grateful that tapping was the vehicle from which it came forth. I’m thankful that I am in a place to recognize those emotions and not judge them as I’m prone to do. I’m just grateful because now I can do something about it.