Sometimes a critic will lie to you and tell you what you’re not and what you can’t do, but sometimes a critic will tell you the truth. My biggest critic has been the one in my head. That little voice that’s been speaking so long that I thought that was me all these years. It has said so many debilitating things to me and has caused me to doubt everything about myself and anyone who loved or tried to love me. I’ve always tried to get rid of it. Once I identified my inner critic, I tried to kill it, suffocate it, ignore it, reason with it, deny it, but my attempts were futile, and our relationship remained adversarial. I’m almost forty, and that inner critic is still here after all these years.
My latest tactic has been to hear it out and move on from it. I must admit, I’ve had some success with that method, but something about it still being around angered me and even made me feel shameful at times. Today I was introduced to a new way of relating to my inner critic. It was suggested that I see my inner critic as a friend in need of compassion, reassurance, and love. After all, that critical voice is just the scared part of me that was formed when I was a little girl. So why would I make her my enemy? Especially when she tells me the truth about myself in ways that I didn’t even realize until today.
In all of its fear-based rhetoric, that inner critic, that inner child, still manages to tell me the truth. She reveals the truth about what I truly think and feel inside. She does it to call attention to her need for attention and need to heal. If she didn’t speak, I might continue to live a lie without the slightest bit of interruption of my falsehood. So, in this respect, I can appreciate my inner critic and what she does for me. She can be a friend that I love and take care of, but not the one I give authority over my life. I can make sure that I give her compassion when she lashes out. I can correct and forgive her when she tells lies. I can accept her as she is, offer peace, and graciously decline her assumptions and desires. I can, and I will be a friend.