My main challenge in life has been feeling like I’m not good enough, but I heard this statement today that I found enlightening on the subject. The statement was as follows:
“Have you ever told yourself that you weren’t good enough? Do you notice that that belief makes you feel bad? These negative beliefs make us feel bad because they aren’t aligned with our truth. If you really weren’t good enough, then that thought would feel good because it doesn’t represent who you are.”
The person who said this was making the point that every emotion shows up to teach us something. Instead of judging them, embrace the emotions, feel them, and learn from them so that we can move on. So, with the belief that I’m not enough, it brings up negative feelings. When those feelings have come up, I’ve allowed myself to feel them, but unfortunately, I’ve historically believed my feelings and wallowed in them. The only lesson I took from it is that I’m not good enough.
So, when I heard this statement, I honestly had to stop and meditate on the idea that the negative feeling that I’ve felt about feeling like I’m not good enough was a signal that I’ve veered away from the truth of who I really am. I already understood that the nature of my thoughts determines the nature of my feelings—whether the emotions feel good or bad. But until I heard that statement today, I didn’t view my emotions as indicators of how far or close I am from who I truly am.
When I thought about living a life where I understand my emotions through that lens, I immediately felt apprehension. If I categorize positive feelings as a sign of the truth of who I am and negative feelings as a sign that I’ve veered off, I might become dishonest about who I really am. After all, life isn’t all about experiencing only positive feelings, is it? Or is it my conditioning telling me that negative feelings are a part of life, so I shouldn’t expect only to experience positive feelings?
But then I thought, why can’t life be about only experiencing positive feelings?
As I’m writing, I realize that I’ve spent a lot of the day analyzing her statement in my mind, trying to evaluate if it’s true, even after stopping me in my tracks. I said earlier that I meditated on her statement, but what I’ve actually been doing is thinking about it all day. I am trying to make it make logical sense through my mind and the many beliefs I hold, instead of asking myself if what she said resonates as truth to me. It does as it relates to not feeling good enough because I know it’s impossible for anything created in and by The All not to be good enough. So, I can embrace that carrying this belief is a sign that I’ve deviated from the truth of who I am. But it doesn’t resonate in regards to positive and negative feelings in general—positive feelings equaling true self, and negative feelings equaling deviation from true self.
I honestly can’t wrap my head around why or why they seem different to me, other than the fact that I’ve gotten too caught up in my mind about it. Either way, it will require my inner being, The All within, to reveal whatever it is I should know and even whatever I should ask.
For now, I’ll settle with not knowing.