I started a new confidence tapping challenge today. I’ve since thought a lot about the instructor saying to try things in which I lack confidence with curiosity. I feel like I understand what she meant, but the statement has been on my mind all day, so I think there’s a deeper meaning there for me. I’ve also been thinking about my fears because although the tapping series addresses confidence, today’s session was about addressing fear. After all, fear is always behind a lack of confidence. During the session, I was prompted to think about something I hadn’t had the confidence to do, and when I did, I could feel my angst. The idea of putting myself out there on social media, along with my ideas, makes me nervous. It’s one hundred percent because I am afraid of what others will say or think. I’m afraid people will judge me. I’m afraid that I’ll make an absolute fool of myself. I’m afraid people will think what I have to say is dumb as hell. That I’ll find out I’m not who I suspect I am. I haven’t even shared my Growing Upstream posts on Facebook because I’m afraid someone might see them. I’m going to post them soon solely because I want to conquer my fears and learn to deal with whatever might come. I know where these fears come from—childhood—but part of healing is going forward despite my fears. I used to think that I had to get rid of all my fears, but I’ve learned that fear is natural for most people. It’s just that I can’t allow fear to paralyze me the way it has for so many years.
My tapping instructor said something else that I’ve heard repeatedly over the years. She said, “you get your confidence from taking action.” Telling the truth and writing about it without shame is me taking action. I did the Flickers Lauryn Hill podcast because I knew it was time to take action. It’s why I finally started posting my journey on this website. But to be honest, what I’m happiest about is that I no longer give a shit about saying I have fears or about anyone knowing it. I don’t care that it’s true that I care about what others think of me. I don’t have any shame about these things anymore. I’m allowing myself to be a full human so that I can become a better human. I’ve hidden and judged parts of myself for a long time, fearing that I wouldn’t be accepted. Now I understand that I will never become my greatest and highest self if I don’t accept all of myself and allow my whole self to be seen. I’m embracing that truth every day, and as a result, I’m giving myself the opportunity to do something about it. I’m doing something about it now.
The angst I felt during tapping today was a signal that my lack of confidence about showing my face and sharing my thoughts and ideas on social media just requires some action. The fear will subside, and the confidence will come.